I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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