WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
