mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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