I like to think it a success when the cops are called
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
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