I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
