no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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