Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
