Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
