The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
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