All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You dont lie about slip and slides
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
