Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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