I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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