He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
