Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
