piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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