you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Randomize
