I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize