Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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