Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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