Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
