I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
