I will die if light touches me.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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