Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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