pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
