It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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