You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Randomize
