He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
