i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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