Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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