Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
