so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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