im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
