I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
