I puked a lego.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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