the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
