If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
