I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize