Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
