i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize