Christians are straight up FREAKS
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
