tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
