Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
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