Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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