my vag is so smooth its legendary
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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