Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize
