forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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