pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
