Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
