also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
