I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
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