That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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