gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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