Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
