His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
