video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
