I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
