Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
