So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
