I'm pants shitting drunk right now
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
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