I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
