Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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