I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i think my mom watched the whole time
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
