just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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