Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
