i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
