he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
