God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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