i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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