My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Redeem this text for a blowjob
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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