wat bout pragnant strippers??
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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