It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
