All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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