mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
