Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
