Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
