i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
