she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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