Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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