They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
